"my sweet FIL is moving into a retirement home today - his choice. His wife of over 40 years passed away four years ago and despite all attempts to make a life alone, he has failed. He is lonely, tired and depressed. All those years of scrimping, saving and providing for his family has brought him to a place where he can afford to live now more affluently than he has ever before. Yet, ironically, his concerns are about being in a place that is too 'high society'. We are test driving this new venue, giving him a holiday in the new digs for a week or so to see if he can find a life there. It's amazing how the human spirit, no matter what stage it finds itself in, strives for companionship, love, acceptance. Good luck Frank, we have your back."JP
My father in law is on his own now MIL is in a nursing home. There is a retirement home right next door to the home (attached) and he could live there taking his meals with his wife and having company and security and any nursing care he wishes. He chooses instead to stay in a large bungalow with no friends around and is desperately lonely. WHY? I think he thinks a retirement home is the least step. I wish he could see it as a comfortable spot with peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteI wish Frank all the best in settling in. It's very hard for all involved. In the long run it is better he makes the choices before someone has to do it for him. Bless him.
Fingers crossed here Chania...I don't think the decision to move is in question here, it's just has he chosen the right place...we will see.
DeleteDear Jacqueline, this is such a difficult choice to make..I often think of the time in which myself or my husband will arrive there...it is inevitable, and yes all we seek, no matter when in our lives, it is all about love and companionship, to not be alone...touching and heartfelt post for me, N.xoxo
ReplyDeleteI would love to gather all our friends and buy a compound somewhere! It just might end up being fun.
DeleteWhen my father was obliged to live in a 'retirement home' (he was a double amputee), he used to phone for a taxi every morning, and come home. It didn't take much to realise that it wasn't for him, so after about a week, he came home for good. Some it suits, some it doesn't. I wish your FIL well; he'll probably make some very good new friends.
ReplyDeleteThis is why is what so important that it was his decision. He told us at his birthday in January "as soon as possible". We will see how it all plays out.
DeleteHis must feel very good knowing that you are his support and have his interests and concerns at heart. Bless you all.
ReplyDeletei hope so HA...we all want him to make a new life HA because we just can't be there as much as he needs us to be. We talked about having him come to live with us, but for a myriad of reasons, a lot of which he has spoken of, it just won't work.
DeleteLife is so hard on your own. My thoughts and prayers go out to your Father-in-law, J. May he find comfort, love and peace there and one or two special friends to share his life with.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly is Molly...he is a very social person, so we are hoping that he will have lots of friends very soon. This home is in his neighbourhood, so there is a lot of familiarity too.
DeleteThat is the very reason I returned from Spain to the UK to look after my widowed Dad. Loneliness had practically killed him; he was a shell of man with a painful, distant look in his eyes constantly (as if he was still living in another time). The change in him since I have been back has been incredible and it made me realise people really can die from loneliness. I hope your FIL will find a new lease of life :-)
ReplyDeleteRudy and I talked very seriously Vanessa about having FIL come live with us, but moving him 100 km from his neighbourhood and with both of us gone most of the day would have just traded one kind of loneliness for another. I hope that this solution is the right one, if not...we will just try again. Good for you for having the courage to make such a big move for your Dad.
DeleteGood luck to Frank in his new "home". I've just found your beautiful blog... I will follow and visit often. Ciao for now...
ReplyDeleteWelcome MPC...wonderful to have you here. Happy to report that all is going well with FIL - so far, so good. Will pop over to your blog and say hello.
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