Beauty In The Ordinary

Beauty in the Ordinary

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Lucky Me...

'february 6, 1979 was a cold snowy night. I had just tucked my almost-two-year old into her bed; my mother was quietly knitting baby clothes in front of the TV and hubby had taken himself off to play his regular Tuesday-night ice-hockey game. Subtle twinges in my back, but it was still two weeks before the due-date, so surely no worries. The evening crept on with quiet routines and soft, night-time darkness taking over the house. As the snow storm grew in intensity outside, so grew the storm inside my body. Twinges became grasps and I knew our second child was ready to make her way into this life. Phone calls to the ice-rink - better get home soon honey and phone calls to the doctor - we are on our way. A slow and careful drive through sometimes blinding snow, but we arrive safely and by ten o'clock the next day without too much fuss or bother - there she was. I remember thinking as the last stages of labour came and went, please, please, please, let this one be a girl too. I hadn't cared the first time, boy or girl, but I so much wanted our eldest daughter to know the joy of growing up with a sister, just as I had. And in God's infinite wisdom, it was granted. So much sweetness over the past 34 years with both of our girls. Happy Birthday Baby Girl, love mumma."JP

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Insecurity

"have you ever had to contend with the feelings that arise when you just know someone doesn't like you. It's unreasonable to think that one will go through life and have everyone see only the good in you; yet when I look in this person's face I can't help but wonder 'why? what's not to like here?' If I start to analyze my feelings about her reaction to me, I can truthfully say I really don't care, and yet our dealings with each other are still brushed with a frisson of tension. So what is this really all about?
Perhaps what I feel is the discomfort of the reality of looking in that emotional mirror. Perhaps I'm really uncomfortable with the guilty feelings of, for no apparent reason, not liking her. We do see ourselves so much in others. My father once opined that life was all really just in our own heads; that we created our world from our own imagination. Living with that idea bouncing around in my mind all my life, I'm curious about how much sense it makes to me now." JP

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Saturday, February 2, 2013

Contrasts...

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"today was a day of contrasts. Youngest daughter and her husband attended the funeral of a young member of his family. A girl, a daughter, a mother who succumbed to her addictions in spite of a loving, attentive family. Heartache, tears...such incredible sadness, especially for her father and son. And here today in our beautiful little town the snow gently fell...all day long...making a breathtakingly lovely, picture-perfect vision.
So there is beauty and sorrow, sparkles and darkness, crystal and steel. That is Life. Perhaps we need one to understand the other. Some days, I really wish is wasn't so." JP

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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Many Hats

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"driving the highway today on the long haul up to town, I can't help but be fascinated by bumper-stickers and vanity plates...'one cat away from being the crazy cat-lady', 'mydadrox' and cut-outs of cute white skulls with bows in their hair. I'm compelled to stare at the driver as we pass by.

A long-hard morning of doctors and hospitals as we navigate the uncharted waters of this young science called medicine. The more we do this, the more I realize how much they don't know.

An indulgent, spontaneous lunch followed by a slightly disturbing visit with father-in-law. Reassuring him all is okay as he takes his blood-pressure moment by moment. Husband hurriedly fixing the non-working front door.

Off to pick up daughter...she is treating us to an exotic dinner in a hip Toronto restaurant while we meet her new boyfriend. Handsome, alarmingly charming, epic eye contact as we superficially discuss likes and dislikes. I'm assessing, protective of my child's heart, all the while trying to store details of likes, dislikes...raisins, no, pastry, yes.

A long, late drive home through high-winds and steel-like raindrops beating on the car. I curl up in the passenger seat, semi-sleeping and recounting the day...life as a partner...life as a child...life as a parent." JP

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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

January 29, 2013

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"this living in the moment is not for whimps. How do we not relive the dramas the scars on our hearts stand sentinel for? How do we not tremble in the night for fear of an uncertain and insecure future? Tiptoeing softly through each day, and as I climb into bed each night, smiling and silently applauding myself for making it through the great Today."
JP

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Monday, January 28, 2013

Challenging Winter Weather...

Winter can sometimes equal cabin fever. Today just might constitute one of those days.

While not particularly cold, snow-freezing rain is falling, and it seems sunless.

What I find most trying at this time of year, is keeping the entry-way of my house clean and tidy. Even with only two people in the house, the front hall is littered with boots and shoes and dirty salt/snowy puddles. I seem to be continually mopping! We've tried boot trays and mats, nothing seems to work.

My niece is beginning a course just south-of-the-border next week so will be spending a couple of days per week with me over the next few months to make the traveling back and forth a little easier. She is bringing her dog Fritz with her...I can only imagine what mess snowy Fritz-marks are going to be like all over the house! Geeesh!

The forecast, however, over the next few days is for ever-increasing temperatures and rain, so with a bit of luck all this sloppy wet-stuff will wash away and we can greet February with longer days and a slow climb out of Winter and into Spring.

I guess the answer is just to stay in, stay cosy...